Thursday, November 09, 2006

Conversations from Last Night

Me: Boss, ye XYZ building kahan hai*?
Fruit Vendor whose cart is FIVE STEPS AWAY from XYZ building: Nahin madam, nahin dekha.
Me: Achcha, aap Toto's** jaante hain?
Fruit Vendor: (smiles shyly) Toto's?
Me: Haan, Toto's.
FV: (giggles coyly) Toto's? Toto's??
Me: (beginning to get a little worried) Haan...Toto's.
FV: (Blushes red, avoids eye contact, and frantically re-arranges the fruits on his cart) Nahin madam, main 'Toto's' nahin jaanta.
Me: (walks away convinced that there is such a thing as too much fruit) Achcha...thank you.

* See, I'm *allowed* to be lost even though I'm five steps away from where I'm supposed to be - it comes with being hopelessly navigation-impaired - what's his excuse??
** is a pub.


Inside Toto's:

Me: You know, I've never actually seen anyone in that DJ enclosure.
Young man: That's probably because it's not a DJ enclosure.
Me: But it says "No Requests"! Why would it have a sign saying "No Requests" unless, you know, there were going to be...'requests'? Unless, they were expecting requests of the non-musical variety...
YM: (thinks about that for a minute)
Me: (launches forth, driven by rum and a pet grouse*) Don't you just hate it when DJ's say, "I don't take requests". You know, you'd think that entertaining the crowds is their job? But noooo! They're all like, "Oh no, this crowd is so pleb, it is my divine duty as a DJ, to *educate* them. I'm just too cool (weird arm-flappy, raised-hand gesture) to take requests."
YM: They do take requests if you slip them a hundred bucks?
Me: (faking shock) Duuude, noooo! DJ's who take money to play are like, the lowest rungs on the DJ ladder. They have SOLD their DJ SOULS, other DJ's totally look down on them. They're like the...sell-outs of the DJ world!
YM: (giggling helplessly) Yeah, I'm sure Akbar Sami never takes requests.
Me: WTF is Akbar Sami??
YM: He's that guy who remixed Jalwa?
Me: (still driven, still grousing) Which is another thing I just don't get. I mean, so you add a couple of dhinchak beats to some random song and suddenly you're a musician? Explain this to me, please!
YM: You're just jealous that they make a whole lot of money. Why do you think people pay them so much?
Me: Because there are a whole lot of stupid rich people in the world. I mean, how else can you explain Rohit Bal actually managing to sell his..."designs"? See the thing is, when you're really sozzled, you don't CARE what's playing. You're drunk, you're happy, the world is a beautiful place, you love everybody and look! There's a guy behind that glass-shield thingy, wearing headphones! and a bandana! and funky shades! and apparently trying to fly by flapping his one free arm, because the other one's holding headphones to his ear! I think I'm going to give him a warm hug and tell him that I love him.
YM: You know, I no longer remember what we were talking about, but I'm glad this place doesn't have a DJ.
Me: I think this is one of those times when you actually make sense.

* And I don't mean one of these.


gera said...

Btw, I have seen a DJ inside the DJ enclosure at Toto's. He wasn't sitting in the part of the van that protrudes out of the wall - that's probably occupied by his console. He sits(or used to sit) behind that.

Ph said...

Toto's! SUCH fond memories of SUCH nice people. *sigh*

IdeaSmith said...

You mean DJs actually have souls??

Falstaff said...

Wait, you don't know the way to Toto's??!! You should be ashamed of yourself.

Chronicus Skepticus said...

You have? Really?? 'Cos you know I seem to remember this one year during which whenEVER I'd go there, there'd be the same songs playing in the exact same sequence. It had actually become a bit of a joke where all the regulars would start singing the next song right before it played.

I guess they really needed a DJ. :D

Ph: Well, my memories are 50-50 mix of fond and, well...interesting (which is actually just a nicer way of saying, 'Oh my GOD I can't believe I dated *him*!!').

Oooo! Very good point Smithy! They must have *something* that passes for it, no?

Falstaff: But I've *explained* my whole navigation-impaired-ness issue! :(

Would it redeem me a *little* if I told you I definitely know the way to The Mezz? Definitely. I could go there blindfolded if I had to.

gera said...

Well, I saw a guy there. I assumed he was the DJ. Maybe he was the guy who switches the damn thing on and off, or the cleaner.

Anyway, this was a long time ago - 5-6 years probably.