Friday, October 09, 2009

Fascinating insights into the working of my brain.

OR, why people like me ought to have restricted access to the Internet.

I opened a wiki page to research something, and then forgot what the thing was. I have the attention span of a gnat.

I only know of gnats as vaguely insect-like creatures. I have never actually encountered one.

(Not that that stops me from passing judgement on their limited attention spans)

Hey, how do I know I haven't encountered one if I don't know what one LOOKS like?

Wait! I have a wiki page open! I will now find out what a gnat looks like, and consequentially, whether or not I have ever encountered one.

Wiki has no gnat pictures! Now I will never know!

Oh wait, there's google images. Googlingooglingoogling...the hell? Gnats look just like mosquitoes!

Ah! And wordweb implies 'gnat' is a generic term for 'various small biting flies'. Unless you're British, in which case gnats ARE mosquitoes.

So it turns out I HAVE encountered a gnat before. Only, I always thought of them as small, black, shiny, and vaguely beetle-oid. It's strange to find out they're just mosquitoes.

It reminds of my 5th birthday when half the presents I received were in my real name, and the other half were addressed to 'Aparajita'. Because that was supposed to be my 'official' name, though for some mysterious reason, it never quite took.

Now I know how you felt, gnats.

Ah shuddup, you'll live.

Though not for very long.

But I guess that's okay. You're gnats, what the hell do YOU have to acheive in life??

Not that I've done much on the acheiving front.

(Dammit! I can never spell 'achieve' right!)

Which is appalling, considering I edit stuff for a living.

But I DID spell 'appalling' right.

Fuck you, gnats, I bet YOU can't spell 'appalling'.


(I just gloated over one-upping gnats. This has got to be a new low.)

Not that you'd ever need to. I mean, where would you possibly use 'appalling' in a sentence?

"Your haemoglobin levels are appalling, human!"

(But if you can't spell appalling, you sure as hell can't spell haemoglobin.)

And then the human in question would cringe and feel all inadequate about being yelled at by a mosquito.

Though I feel adequate enough; I can spell appalling and haemoglobin and I bet I have enough of it (haemoglobin) in MY blood to feed a large army of gnats. Ha!

I should probably stop typing now.

9 comments:

Roy said...

holy mother of jesus! that was ... shit no words ...ummm... errr... appalling. Yes, I too can spell it right!

perplexed said...

in spite of all the madness I quite enjoyed reading this!! :)

JJ said...

Really enjoy reading your posts - do continue :) great job.

Anonymous said...

gee... you learn something new every day! (re: the British gnats and the Aparajita)

But don't let me get in the way of this conversation between you and the gnats! Someone has to put these appalling, haemoglobin sucking creatures in their place. LOOL :)

Arthur Quiller Couch said...

Whatever you're smoking, I'll buy your stash.
Senapati Bapat Marg - you live in Mumbai? Edit/write for a living?
Would you consider an offer?

blue sunride said...

Humour is truly your weapon!

Chronicus Skepticus said...

Roy:
Very good! You are clearly, clearly not a gnat. :)

Perplexed:
Erm...thank you.

I had no idea gnats were this entertaining!

JJ:
Thank you and hey, no fair! YOUR blog is all 'protected' and 'by invite only'. Hmph.

Bataao. When did bloggers start getting all selective about their readers? Did I miss that memo?

Anonymous:
You know Anonymous, I have a sneaking suspicion I know who you are, but then I wonder why *you'd* be all anonymous and then what I have on my hands is another theory that's just fallen flat on its face.

(sigh)

But yes, the gnats have (in theory at least) been shown their place. "And stay down!" is what I'm saying to them. In my head, that is. Oddly, it doesn't seem to have affected them much.

Arthur Quiller Couch:
You know, you're possibly the only blogger who updates even more infrequently than I do.

I like you!

As to what I've been smoking, trust me, you don't want to know. No really, you don't.

And yes to Bombay, yes I edit / write for a living, and I might, depending on what've you got. Mail me?

Blue sunride:
It is?? Golly, I didn't even know I HAD a weapon!

But umm, thank you. I'm glad you (seem to) like.

Anonymous said...

I suspect that your suspicion is right CS. It's me your non-bloggging friend.

No real reason for me to be anonymous. I just enjoy being shrouded in mystery sometimes :)
What's this theory of yours then?
-P

DewdropDream said...

HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAA!!!

I'm with Arthur Quiller Couch there!

who knew Gnats could provide such entertainment? (Unless you're actively swatting them because you're bored because the agent on some car showroom is taking her own bloody sweet time getting things done. Hmpfh!)