Sunday, November 16, 2008

In which we do some fugging of our own*

Naresh Goyal: (Maybe if I just sit here and smile impishly people will be too charmed to remember that little firing-re-hiring episode.)

NG: Look at me smile! All impish and all! GOD I'm cute! Smile with me! At me! Come on people you can do it. It was all my management guys! Honest! Would this face lie to you?

NG: Oh no! It’s that Virgin Heffner Kingfisher boy again! Look at him, all cocky just because HE didn’t fire anyone. Golly, he *does* look confident doesn’t he? There’s a certain…something about him….I can’t quite put my finger on it. Could it be that suit? It is rather…shiny?

Vijay Mallya: BEHOLD, the magnificence that is me!

Lackey: (in worried whispers) Sir! This is the press conference! We’re not in your bedroom on the yacht anymore!

VM: We’re not? But how does it matter? BEHOLD the magnificence that is ME!

VM: (Man, this suit is so sharp, I could cut myself to ribbons!). Look at me radiating confidence like a supernova. I didn’t have to fire any of my virgins wenches flying models!
VM: Virgins! Wenches! Flying models! Come to me! Surround me with your adulation! And in return, you can bask in the sunshine reflecting off my suit! Come, let's snuggle!

Lackey: Mr. Mallya? Sir? This is to do with the alliance with Jet Airways. You’re supposed to be friends now.

VM: WHAT?! ME, Richard Branson Hugh…dammit VIJAY MALLYA get into an alliance with THEM?! But they’re so…staid! And boring and none of HIS wenches crew wear tight, short, red skirts! Where’s the fun in that??
Lackey: Sir? We talked about this remember? We’re doing this because…?

VM: ?

Lackey: …because…?

Lackey: …we’re suffering…losses?
VM: YOU SAID THE L WORD! Off with his head! Virgins! !Whores!! Flying models! Take this…creature away from me!
NG: Yes, I think it’s the suit…it has to be the suit. Maybe if I just sidle up to him a little, he won’t notice…some of it might even rub off. It’s all a matter of projection. Projection! That’s it!

VM: Lackey, there is a MUNCHKIN on my lapel.

VM: Maybe if I ignore it it’ll go away.

VM: (Gotta keep smiling, that’s the key. Pretend it isn’t there….OR I could pretend it’s an accessory! Yes! That’s it!) Look, lowly paparazzi! There is a...small stylish...unique little...I have a munchkin brooch! But I can carry it off because I AM ME.

VM: Betcha thought I couldn’t do it, didn’tcha? Well HA! to you.


IdeaSmith said...

Snigger....I spy the future contributor to GFY. Loved this piece!

Arthur Quiller Couch said...

The asterisk in the title. Where's the footnote?

Chronicus Skepticus said...

Smithy: Girl! Long time!Gosh, it feels weird to be back! And the Fug Girls are rock stars... I couldn't even be Intern George's intern!

So you don't reply to emails, but you comment?

Re: The Asterisk
Waking up from hibernation's always a little disorienting. I *meant* to put in a postscript on the lines of, 'Yes, I know, really stale news', but then I forgot.

??! said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
??! said...

This is not a comment. Comments are only for people who blog properly. Not for people who en-hope other people by putting up a blogpost (or two) in the space of a few days, only to then disappear again for months.

No, this is not a comment. And we are not happy to see a post by you. I want Peter Rabbit.

Saltwater Blues said...