Thursday, December 28, 2006

An Ode to Coffee*

O noble cup of velvet brew!
We thank each passing day for you,
If not for you our days would be
sad, and spent in drinking tea!

Thou art the friend of workers free,
who have no time for frippery
like dainty sips from china cups
with buttered scones and silly sops.

It's-drink-and-get-to-work with you,
as should be with the perfect brew.
With sleeves rolled up on muscled arms,
no fop can claim to know your charms.

no pish-tosh posing, pinkies raised
and just for that, the lord be praised!
No “Twist of lemon? Sugar? Two?”
You are a self-respecting brew!

From roasted beans you are conceived,
not fragile, shriveled up old leaves
the difference is for all to see,

there is no robustness in tea!

To Chamomile, the odes they sing,
Lapsang Souchong and Darjeeling,
Earl grey, Assam and what have you,
I'll stick to my caffeine, thank you!

They call it ‘liquid gold‘ sometimes

for ignorance is not a crime
Forgive them! For they know not what,
they miss, reaching for a tea pot.

What philistines they are who say,
that the cup that cheers is full of tea.
Tea, that so insipid broth!
that does not banish venal sloth.

Tea does not bubble busily
but steeps for all eternity,
And when it’s done what do you get?
Flavoured water, lukewarm yet!

The scent of coffee reaches out,
it’s tendrils from the bubbling spout
And wafts through home and hearth to bring
warmth, and make the taste-buds sing

O font of joy! O blessed bean!
O catalyst to dopamine!
No day shall pass when I shall not,
gaze fondly at that bubbling pot.

I pour myself a mug of you,
O coffee, truly wondrous brew!
Tea cannot stand up next to thee,
O steaming mug of black coffee!

*I’m (semi) unemployed. I will write odes to coffee.**
**Or whatever else I jolly well please.


Beth Loves Bollywood said...

My god. She's a GENIUS!

I could not agree more. My own mother actually asked me "coffee or tea?" the other day and I just looked at her intently, wondering if in fact she knew me at all. If I am ill or have an upset stomach, then I will drink tea, and I will probably enjoy it - it is fine in its own way. Otherwise no. It just does not taste as good, and that is that.

But am I allowed to have cream in my coffee and still count as not pish-tosh? I do hope so.

Falstaff said...

Lovely. I'm tempted to quibble with "velvet brew", but love "O font of joy! O blessed bean! O catalyst to dopamine!"

The trouble, of course, is that in our morally bankrupt times even coffee has not remained unsullied. Every time I buy a cup of coffee people are always threatening to add milk or cream to it (as if I would ever let them do something so horrible to my coffee) and seem to assume as a matter of course that you'll want sugar in it. I mean, look, if you want something with sugar in it, drink Bournvita, for god's sake, or Roohafza flavoured milk. Stop wasting perfectly good coffee beans.

P.S. Did you know that unground coffee beans make an incredible snack?

Chronicus Skepticus said...

'Genius'!? Golly, I think I need to get myself unemployed more often!

Thank you! :D

And no, cream in your coffee is just fine. It's *tea* that you need to stay away from!

Run from the raised pinky!

You like??

But hey, thank you. :)

Re: Unground beans
Really? But roasted, right?
I haven't yet, but now that you mention it, there seems to be no reason why they shouldn't taste good too.

Beth Loves Bollywood said...

Falstaff is right. Beans (yes, roasted) are delish - especially when coated in dark chocolate. They make me a lot more jumpy than regular coffee does, though, for whatever reason.

Jabberwock said...

Skepticus: very nice indeed. Falstaff: I thought it was accepted practice to drink Bournvita with coffee. No?

Anonymous said...

mmmmmm.... love coffee
n thats a gr8 poem!!

Anonymous said...

*Bows down to coffee*

And to think that I tried to quit drinking it once...(have semi-switched over to chai). But now I see the error in my ways =)

Chronicus Skepticus said...

Beth: Roasted coffee beans coated in dark chocolate - that must be taste-bud-heaven!

Thank you! Glad you liked. :)

Falstaff, *sigh* You're just going to have to hide that cup away.

Me: Me too and thank you. :)

Vi: Rise Vi, all is forgiven! :D

Falstaff said...

Just to be clear - I did NOT mean coffee beans coated with chocolate, which is a sacrilege against both coffee beans and chocolate. I mean plain roasted beans. They're crunchy, bitter, high on caffeine and low on calories. Who could ask for a better snack?

Jai: Ah, but a thing can be an accepted practice and a travesty of good taste at the same time. Just look at all the Rocky films.

CS: You mean, like in the Beatles song?

Ravages/CC said...

Unlike Beth, I will not touch upon tea even at my deathbed. As they say in Tamil, 'a tiger eats not grass, even when famished.'

Permission required to fall in love with you!

Chronicus Skepticus said...

Falstaff: Bah! You purists!

And while I haven't actually tried either plain roasted beans or the chocolate coated ones, the tastes? They are mingling wonderfully in my head. *sigh*

(and I no longer remember whose side I was on)

And YES like in the Beatles song?

Ravages: How very civil of you to ask! I generally just go ahead and do it. :D

Anonymous said...

Happy New Year.

Rhyncus said...

Yes, coffee, except when in Punjab. They murder their coffee and can't visualise the black version.
- *Deeply Scarred*

the One said...

One read your post with pangs of grief
One rubbed one's eyes in disbelief.
So .. over tea you'd rather pick
That caffeine-laced narcotic?

But, teeth gritted, one read on
And gradually the truth did dawn -
'Tis teabag tea you've always had!
(A vile concoction, one might add.)

You clearly must go and try
A steaming cup of real chai.
You'll graduate then, one does think
To a much more grown-up drink :)

Beth Loves Bollywood said...

Of course you are on my side. The matter is chocolate + coffee = ?, and I really don't see how a person could not fill in ? with !

Chronicus Skepticus said...

Ph: And a good one to you too, lovely one! :)

Rhyncus: Oh Rhyncus! *Everyone* knows that when in Punjab, you drink - like the Punjabis - impossibly large glasses of lassi!

We shall, however, pray for your milky-coffee-scalded soul. May your new year be filled with coffee as you like it.

The One: if we were to be true,
we'd say that we quite like the brew
you mention, yet we did not tell
for fear of going to blogger hell.

For what is a post if not heretic?
plus, we have license poetic,
to fictionalise (or simply bluff);
we are not made of sterner stuff!

We like both equally you see,
our mug of coffee, our cup of tea.
We swing both ways, 'tis strange but true,
we cannot claim a favourite brew!

Beth: "!" is right! :D


Ooh, what a lovely 'pome'; and how I do agree.
Coffee is coffee is coffee, and not all the tea in China can make me say otherwise

Unknown said...

Beautiful! I can smell the wondrous perfume of roasted coffee beans that emanates from coffee bars and Tam homes ..........

Unknown said...

However ... I enjoy a good cup of tea also .. for quibblers I would recommend a good brew called Assam Autumn , anything from the Nathomull range or a good shot of Earl grey ... all without milk and sugar and stright from the pot ...close your eyes and drink in the bouquet with your senses before you sip ..

Princess Stefania said...

Chronicus Skepticus, I'm not sure how I landed up on your blog, but I'm glad I did. While I've never drunk coffee (or tea for that matter) the poem was a darn good peice of work. I think I'll bookmark this blog.
Oh, and don't go looking at my blog, it's empty.

zigzackly said...

I like coffee
and I like my tea
Would that qualify
As bigamy?

Brava, young Chronicus! A bard art thou!

Chronicus Skepticus said...

Eliza: as in...Doolittle? :)

And thank you! I'm glad you liked. Where's YOUR blog by the way?

Eve's lungs: Thank you. And yes, *nothing* smells lovelier.

As for the tea, you make it sound like a wine-tasting!

Princess Stefania:
YOU HAVE NEVER DRUNK COFFEE? OR TEA?? Hold me up somebody, I feel faint.

How? Why?? you live on a desert island?

Mr. Griffin, you're very kind.

And as for this:
...Would that qualify
As bigamy?

I have to say, I believe it would. :)

But for that little poem alone, you are forgiven everything.

Princess Stefania said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

Well, half 'n half and sugar makes a fearsome brew.

Anonymous said...

I love this ode. It's made my day. Please, let me respectfully rip a verse or two for my blog. Full credits to your genius, of course. Please?

sherene said...

it has been well over 2 years since i first saw this post and it still holds the same charm for me... I passed it to someone today who doesn't get why I drink coffee, given tea is so much healthier, heh...


Mista said...

Only saw this now for the first time. I LOVE it!!!

Anonymous said...

Love this !!! I am sorry to reveal, though, that I love tea also and actually blogged about teapots today....sorry! But coffee is supreme and your ode is one that I will remember always!! Thanks for sharing!

Anonymous said...

Love this !!! I am sorry to reveal, though, that I love tea also and actually blogged about teapots today....sorry! But coffee is supreme and your ode is one that I will remember always!! Thanks for sharing!

Viagra said...

Awesome ode! Who doesn't love coffee?

Kansas City Houses said...

Great stuff from you, man. this is certainly cool stuff, what a fine attempt. I liked your way of narration... I must say thanks.

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