Wednesday, April 14, 2010


So, over the weekend, I attended my first ever post-funeral prayer meeting and discovered the following:

1. My wardrobe is hideously ill-equipped to deal with family gatherings of the more serious kind. I’d been asked to dress ‘sober’, which apparently meant 'wear a salwar-kameez, preferably in white or pastels', and not ‘please, please don’t show up like drunken skank’ as I’d first assumed. BUT, since I had only ever attended Sindhi functions which typically call for COLOUR! And DIAMONDS! And SPARKLY THINGS! I had nothing. Not ONE measly outfit in anything remotely pastel-ly. Then, after much rummaging around in suitcases of clothes-that-no-longer-fit-you-but-you’re-living-in-denial-about, I found the white kurta I’d worn to my graduation (along with other stuff, pervs). It was a little snug around the hips but wearable, so some small part of me (obviously not the hips, shuddup) sat through that POST-FUNERAL prayer meeting being delighted about fitting into my pre-30s clothes. Really, It's a wonder I'm allowed into civilised society at all.

2. Man, these Sindhis co-opt *everything*! When the priest started reciting I was all “oh prayers in Sindhi, okay I’ll just sit here in this corner and look serious”. Then he ended a paragraph with the words “Satnam shri wahe guru!” and I was all, ‘What the…?!’ For a few puzzled minutes I wondered if the SB was secretly half-sikh and for reasons unknown, had chosen to hide it from me*. Found out later that Sindhis just take a bit of everything they like from the great celestial buffet in the sky. Bataao.

3. Was stopped by grim old lady in a white sari who asked me, “Tu Mala ki bahu hai?” For about three seconds I was all, ‘Who? Wha...? NO!!’ until it sunk in that wait a minute, I *am*! Was so startled by the realisation that I could only manage a weak smile and a sheepish, Ji. See the thing is, I hardly ever hear anyone addressing the MIL by name, and I have never, never been called anybody’s 'bahu'. Freaked me out for a minute, is all. Have since then been fighting the urge to go around asking people “Whose bahu are YOU, bitch?”

4. Despite my tendency to look like a chicken-that’s-seen-pictures-of-a-tandoor when faced with the prospect of attending ‘family functions’, I managed and towards the end, actually got quite comfortable. You know that saying, the fear is often greater than the danger itself? That shit is TRUE, y’all.

So, er. That happened.

* Which would be very twisted because I am one of the few women I know who find Sardars VERY hot. (I blame Rabbi Shergill for this).


IdeaSmith said...

1. Jeans is quite acceptable attire when combined with a long soberish kurta/kurti. This is true in Mumbai and Delhi at least. I've attended my own grandfather's funeral in jeans and teeshirts.

2. Rabbi Shergill is horrible live in performance. I caught one such and he wore a pearl-lined turban (a la Dollar Mendi), brown suit and black sunglasses at night and belted out a firang sounding 'Taaayraaayy beeen, saaneww sowwneeyaa'. Put me off him and other sardars.

Banno said...

I think the great universal khichdi prayers are the way to go. All communities should adopt that method, no??

I'm sure we all sit at after-funeral meetings, with various mundane and not so mundane thoughts in our heads. :)

Roy said...

the geographic origins of the 2 religions are similar, hence...

PV said...

I think you'll find the histories of the two regions are my grandma's from Multan in the Sindh but were Punjabi. So it's all good in bollywood :)

YOU have started enjoying the family thing? just keep in mind its NOT ok to ask Whose bahu are you BITCH?! :D

keep posting bahu rani ji!

Plastic Tolstoy said...

I wasn't going to comment, by which I mean no disrespect to you, Ms. Skepticus, because I just discovered your blog and simply loved what I saw. Another one for the bookmarks.
I am more of a lurker than a commenter most of the time, but I just noticed the 'word verification' thingy, and it said "flirtyron"! I kid you not. And of course I couldn't miss the opportunity; it might never knock again.
So...many thanks and keep posting. Like the Californian governor, I will be back.

Gypsy Girl said...

grin! i've been reading your blog for a while now! i love the bahu bit... As a southie married into a marwari family i can so realte to that1!! ;)

OrangeJammies said...

Hyuk! Now write, will ya?

upsilamba! said...

April 14th!! disgusting!! as in there is nothing wrong with the date...but its a long gap!! ur so frustrating!!

J. Alfred Prufrock said...

I probably should not say this on an open forum, but what the hell.

This particular post - a piece of your life spiced up with good funnies - reads like a Certain Other Blogger's work after a refreshing make-over.


UndeniablyBlah said...

"great celestial buffet in the sky"

ROFL :D nicely done! now let me get back to the rest of the post.

Sougata said...

Do you realize that it is almost 2012? (It actually might be 2012 for you Easties already.)


Chronicus Skepticus said...

Sougata: I will if you will. Deal?