Saturday, September 08, 2007

In the Middle of the Night

It’s been a week of crazy dreams and two, TWO of them have involved me being preggers (and I’m not). The first one was where Bipasha (yes, Basu) and I are in the maternity ward of a seedy little hospital in Hyderabad. She’s slim as ever, yet mysteriously having contractions, and I am one-month-pregnant (though how I know that is a bit of mystery. I mean you hardly ever hear women saying they’re one-month-pregnant, do you? It’s almost as if they go from zero to three overnight). The two cots next to mine are occupied by women who look like they could pop any minute and one of them has an outie that looks exactly like a miniature wiener (ugh! creepy). The one next to her has a five-month-old baby playing at her feet and I’m wondering if she got down to action the moment that kid popped out (I did the maths later – when I woke up that is - and no, it’s not possible. The baby is obviously someone else’s). All of us have identical bright orange felt-sheets to cover us.

So yes, Bips’ friend walks into the room all breathless, slim, flat-stomached, bonsai-assed and she’s all, “My friend! She’s in labour!” and the rest of us exchange looks which very clearly say, ‘Yeah? And what do you think we’re doing here Bambi? Partying?” (Apparently, in my dreams I am quite a bitch.) Friend insists that the doctor be called in and the grumpy mid-wife (played admirably by Sangeeta Ma’am – accountant at PG College) brings in the physician on call and guess who he is? No guess! No? Alright, it’s A.K. Hangal. Yes, Ye Olde A.K. Hangal of ‘Itna sannata kyon hai bhai?” fame. Mr. Hangal has evidently been hitting the gym quite regularly because though his face is still the same - balding, toothless, wrinkled – he is filling out his ancient cotton vest quite nicely. He doesn’t actually say ‘Itna sannata kyon hai bhai?’ but that is possibly because there isn’t any sannata what with women in going into labour left right and center.

Clearly my subconscious has dismissed my freelance-writer-hood as inconsequential, one of those oh-she’ll-grow-out-of-it things and decided that I would be better suited to be either a) an item girl (or two) or b) the person who dodders in after a climactic scene and asks uncomfortable questions.

And if anyone so much as *breathes* the words ‘biological clock’, I am going to be very nasty to them. Even if it is only in my dreams. Don't say I didn't warn you.

9 comments:

ggop said...

I hope you aren't eating dill pickles before going to bed :D
And about going from 0-3 months, people wait to announce till they get past the first trimester these days.

J. Alfred Prufrock said...

Aren't you trying to be a writer?
Your subconscious is kind to you, coming up with these ideas.

J.A.P.

tabula rasa said...

maybe someone *had* said biological clock to you (perhaps while you were propped up in bed with your midnight dill pickle) and your subconscious was just being skepticus.

Revealed said...

I dreamt there were scorpions in the bathroom. And a little girl was haunting our attic. All in the same night. Same dream even. *looks darkly at everyone like whatsherface in the Blairwitch*

Entropy said...

Hi,
Am just checking.
Are you the chronicus skepticus I know ?
Zen.

iz said...

Sorry I've been missing yo uon Gtalk. I'm rarely at my desk.

sougata said...

That was a darn funny post. I don't know if that was the intended overall effect, but the bit about Hangal had me grinning like an idiot.

Don't worry about your subconscious, there is no such thing; dreams are driven by dinner.

Chronicus Skepticus said...

Ggop, TR: People! There has been no, I repeat, NO significant increase in pickle consumption (dill or otherwise) in the Skepticus household!

@TR: I must've spoken to my mom. *sigh*

J.A.P: Ah! A glass-half-full-er, I see!

Revealed: Let's see now, scorpions + little girl + bathroom = You watched too many Ila Arun videos as a kid. And you had to pee.

Entropy: Well, the only Zen I know is Pakistani, and he has dimples. Unfortunately, he also has a bombshell of a wife.

So uh, maybe not? (but hey, I'm quite surprised that there are multiple CS's. Who'd've though!)

Izzy: No problem.

Sougata: You're a sweetie. :)

As for the dinner-dream relation, there might be something in that.

the mad momma said...

LOL! well if you met me, I'd have told you i was three weeks pregnant. i dont believe in the 3 months shit. now i see the dill reasoning - but why bipasha? something more going on in the subconscious?!