Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Thanking her Lucky Stars

At a recent drunken gathering I was asked what my will-he-make-it-to-a-second-date tests were. (Which probably just goes to show just how drunken the gathering was, because asking ME for second-date-tests is a bit like asking a kake-da-dhaba-da-butter-chicken eater, whether they want their beluga caviar on crackers or plain chilled. ‘Pointless’ is what I mean). So anyway, I thought really, really hard (I was drunk too) and came up with this:

”He shall not be queasy about street food.”

And then I thought about it some more and I realised that I’m probably at my wisest when drunk. Because you know, not-queasy-about-street-food says so much about a man. No, seriously. I will not date a guy who goes all ‘organic aloos’ on me. A man who is NQaSF is a man who is not afraid to take chances. He’s been there, eaten that, had the jaundice and risen like a phoenix from the ashes. What has not killed him, has given him a stomach of cast-iron and an immune system that pooh-poohs at sissy amoeba.

The NQaSF guy is not just tough, oh no he’s not. This man, much like the perfect vada, is all crispy crust and soft insides. You might not think it to look at him, but ladies and gentlemen, he’s a romantic! This is a man who knows the joys of eating roasted bhutta while walking along bandstand, and the comfort that comes from conversations punctuated with the silent, contemplative munching of corn-kernels. He knows the sense of community that comes with standing around the paani-puri-vaala’s red-cloth-draped matka and struggling to finish the paani-puri in your plate before the lightning-fast vendor starts his second round. He knows the stomach-flipping way of using his (clean) handkerchief to wipe off that dab of imli-chutney from the corner of your mouth (which might sound gross but is actually all awww-inducing when the hormones are a-ragin’).

He knows that nothing completes a rainy day better than a glass of sweet cutting-chai, strong with the flavours of adrak and elaichi, and he knows that the best accompaniment to this chai is piping hot samosas, smothered in green chutney, served in those faded-green leaf donas.

And now, the government wants to ban them all.

It’s a good thing I went and got married when I did.

9 comments:

Chimera said...

so looks like He passed the test, but does he still love to eat the street food is the question...
and old delhi without street food is as good as no old delhi !!

Beth said...

All very well and good, but how to test him if one lives in a town with no street food? This has happened to me!

Rachna said...

You have me salivating here!
I practically crib everyday at the lack of all that you mentioned :(

bachcha said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Chronicus Skepticus said...

Chimera: Oh he's fine with the food, but oddly fussy when it comes to water. *sigh*

And seriously, trust the government to take away the one seriously aweome thing about Delhi!

Beth: Ooh that's a tough one! So how *do* you test 'em?

Rachna: Oh you poor thing! Well, when you *do* get here you muct make it a point to eat nothing but street food all the time!

What's a little jaundice to sated taste buds? :D

Comment Deleter: I wish you wouldn't y'know. :(

iz said...

I will never look at street vendors in the same way again. Damn you! I might run off with the pani puri vendor!

J. Alfred Prufrock said...

Brilliant idea.

Btw, now that you're married, do you eat street food as often?

J.A.P.

the mad momma said...

i think i used the street food test too. if its only 5 stars and hygenic chefs with plastic gloves - he is not the man for me! i think people are squeamish abt us because my son eats off the floor and i am training my daughter to do the same. the family with the cast iron stomachs is what we will be known as.

Chronicus Skepticus said...

Iz: Hunh? Wait, you haven't assumed that the wiper-off of the imli-chutney-dab is the vendor have you??

Say it isn't so!

J.A.P.: Why, thank you! I thought it was pretty effective m'self!

As for the frequency, oddly, it has gone down. It's not ruled out - just a function of time, and place whether the goods on offer are what I'm craving for.

Have I answered your question?

Mad Momma: And it worked, right? You have the OA!

I like CIS families - they're the most fun to be around. :D